One Liners: Lawyers

What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
- One's a slimy scum-sucking scavenger, the other is just a fish

What do you need when you have a car half full of cement and a lawyer in it?
- More cement.

What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
- God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

A lawyer after listening critically to a potential client's story:
'Hmmm.... I don't think they can put you in prison for such a small thing.'
'Where do you think I'm calling from?'

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
- When his lips are moving.

How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?
- Depends on how hard you throw them.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
- Professional courtesy.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a lawyer?
- You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.